literature

Poetry

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WildRedRose14's avatar
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Literature Text

I am not a poet.

I cannot make single words that do not belong together tell a story so achingly beautiful that it will make you cry or be sunshine appearing from behind the cloud of my own defenses to fill the world  with warmth and force shadows to retreat or a list of things that summarise my life into neat little lessons because as you know, love; I never was good at lists.

Poetry is so far from what I am use to it is like some wild animal, it's nature unknown and therefore terrifying to me, but I watch from afar and admire it's beauty, envy seeping bitterly in as I watched others take to it with ease.

It was you who first told me to tame my mind, corral my emotions and choose a form to take to....you already so far ahead of me, graceful and practiced, and I was proud.

It is not in my nature to take to new things.

I am like a toddler on a fat pony nearly being tossed from the saddle with every jolt of emotion and I cannot tell you how many times I have been thrown from the saddle.

I have given up trying to learn.

I do not have you here to guide me any-more, love, so I will stick to what I know.....
Which is, admittedly, clinging on for dear life as the words tumble through me and hope that the emotion in my words are heard rather than the words themselves because I am so clumsy with the English language which have temperamental and difficult nature.


I have taken to watching slam poetry as you once did.


I know I will never be as good as them but in your name I will get back in the saddle and spend my time screaming in frustration as I once again fail to do anything correctly.

I can almost hear you laughing at me for that... sometimes I hear your advice like you are here and I wish I could hold your hand again because everytime you thought I was leading you safely you didn't understand that more often than not, it was you who led me. I needed you at my side because I needed some-one to be strong for because I never was for myself; you made it a priority.

I suppose we didn't watch enough Doctor Who together for you to understand the importance of a companion, and how much they can teach those they see as a protector.

I hated how I had to call you my companion: turning a painful phrase that simply meant "I cannot call you my first girlfriend because I am scared some-one will beat us up and our families will disown us" into a loving inside joke.

I have so many regrets about you, and it is  sad I will never have the chance to make more with you in the future.


For you, love, I will perform one of my poems like you always wanted me to.
And  I will cry because I  will never be  able to recover any of yours.
You, and everything about you, is lost to me.
But not poetry.
I watch poetry online and I am envious of how they can torrent all that emotion.

Half the time I can barely come up with a good metaphor so I know how stuffed I am but still.... continuous dramatic prose is how I talk so perhaps that is also how I should write, she told me.
© 2013 - 2024 WildRedRose14
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DNA-The-Authoress's avatar
:hug: In the words of the wise and mighty Chuck Shurley, "Writing is hard." Poetry is even harder. I never thought I'd be good at poetry, to be honest. I'm still not good, but I'm not as horrid as I was starting it. And for me, my poetry is a release. It's not for other people to admire or despise. That's all my other writing.

Um, this was supposed to be encouraging... I'm not very encouraging, am I?

Even if you're not skilled in a technical sense, I can tell this is very YOU. I can hear your voice in this. It's very honest and real and raw in a good way. I especially love the last stanza (and in particular the last two lines). The other stuff you can learn in time- it's finding your voice that's the hardest thing.

Also I seriously want to hug you right now. I mean, I always want to hug you when I think of you, to be honest. You're so lovely. :hug: